Home repair and individual healing

Saturday morning. I should be headed to Home Depot instead I choose to sit here to write in this neglected blog. I would feel guilty if allowed myself to feel such things.

I am laying tile down-after replacing the water damaged floor in one of my bathrooms. Not a fun job!

Everyone is anxiously awaiting my progress so that this bathroom can be put back into use.

I wonder how people survived with only one bathroom in the home?

When I grew up I did not know how to properly use a hammer. I grew up without a dad to teach me to use tools. We always rented, so we never had home repairs to perform. I knew how to paint, but that was my extent of my knowledge of home improvement.

There is a great amount of pride that I feel by having taught myself how to repair things around the home. Little by little, tool by tool I learned. Now even big jobs do not intimidate me.

Home repair. It is part of owning a home. We are like homes in the sense that we need a repair every now and then. Like home repair, personal repair requires skilled guidance, knowledge, and the proper tools. It helps when one has no fear of the task at hand. Big jobs should not intimidate us. We must trust the process.

One should never stop growing. Life is about progress. One could always progress in life. No matter what damage one has suffered as a child, there comes a time in life when they cannot explain away the deficits of their life with the abuses of their childhood. There comes a time in life when we must become responsible for our actions and learn to accept the consequences for our actions.

This is not to say that the scars of the damage will not persist in one's life. There could always be evidence in one's behavior that is the result of traumatic experiences of one's childhood. One does not have to live life with old, open self-debilitating wounds. Life can be a healing process if we choose not to be intimidated by the process of healing and the paradoxical pain that comes with healing.

Back in the late 70s, I hit a man in the face with the side of a hammer because he refused to give me a dollar. I used to consider that person who used a hammer as a weapon as a completely different, separate person from who I presently am today. It is easy to remove our horrors from our reality. I am very different from that person.

Writing in this obscure blog has helped me open up and consolidate those realities with my present realities of today. Writing in this blog has helped me to absolve my guilt and assured me that I was not a monster but a badly damaged child reacting normally to a severely damaged existence.

I am the same person. I learned, little by little, tool by tool, how to repair myself.

I do need to go to Home Depot. It is good to repair things as they need repairing. It is a good rule to follow throughout life.